Zimena

I have a fic I wanted to finish this weekend. For some annoying reason I also have a headache now, so I can't manage to be up like I wanted to.

Snooker starts again tomorrow, too. Not that I'm going to watch everything, but I'll probably keep it on all day. If I can write during it, then it should be possible to get things done before Mark's match in the evening.

Do you think that could work as motivation?

I'm so incredibly insecure about my fic again. I'm looking at a challenge, and I want to do something for it because the prompt for this week is right up my alley. I might even have some half-formed idea for it. But: I cannot physically make myself get started on it, because I feel like I'm somehow not "going to do it right" or that I'm "not good enough."

I know that's nonsense, and that writing is supposed to be for me, and not a thing to be self-conscious and insecure about, but I can't stop myself.

I have such an intense craving for Mark/Ronnie slash that it's crazy. I'm afraid I'm going to have to write it myself, though. That, of course, isn't quite the same. I need more snooker fan friends who are also into the fic side of things. Help?

I've fallen out of the habit of DW'ing again, I see. Maybe I can try to get started on fixing such problems by mentioning a few things that have happened lately? Let's see:

✭ I talked to this cousin a few more times since he was here. Yesterday he even called and wanted to visit, but right then I wasn't at home. I'm a little sad about that, but at least it seems possible to keep contact now. That's a good thing, I think.

✭ My dream of moving to my own flat sort of became more... if not realistic for the moment, then at least more possible for the future. I had a nice talk to my mom about it, and she understands and agrees. If I'll be able to move, my dream is to find a nice flat in Vennesla - about 20km from where I live now. Even though it's a smaller place than my home town, it's nicer because the town center is more compact, people are generally more open than here, and it's feels like a safer place to live. (To be honest, I don't like my home town as much as before anymore - it has grown and changed, the city centre is dying because shops and cafés are moving out of it and into a large commercial zone out of town, and I don't always feel safe and comfortable in town by myself anymore (not even in the daytime)).

There is of course no way I can move away now or soon, because this is is a big project and I need to figure out various things (also about mortgage rules etc), plus I want to find the perfect place where I'll be happy, and not do anything too soon... but at least I know what I want now, and I know that I have my mom's support about it, which is very important.

✭ As for something else, I'm doing my first fic exchange that runs on AO3. I wanted to do nonconathon already last year, but I got shy and never dared to sign up. This year I've signed up, and I have about half a fic written so far. I only need another couple of scenes to finish it, but to do that I also need some distraction-free writing time... that won't happen until after next week. I hope I can finish it without getting stressed about it, though, because I'm really liking the story and the characters so far. (And yes, it's an original story, so it'll be my first time actually posting original work... maybe I'm nervous about that, but okay, let's see how it goes!)

I haven't been posting that much here lately. Somehow, I ended up using Tumblr more since the Olympics. Some people posted good pics on there, so it became a habit to check that site several times daily... and of course my own reactions and rambles also ended up there instead of here. You know me, though - I still like DW the most, so perhaps I shouldn't neglect it like that.

So, quick update on me and things that matter to me:

Personal stuff: My mood is generally a bit better and more hopeful than it has been lately, at least as long as I keep my mind busy with things that aren't negative or depressing. I just got a haircut the other day, and I probably feel happier because of that, too. The snow outside is also melting, so that means it will be easier for me to get out soon, too. Oh, and my town now has a Paperchase affiliate store, so I'm going to check that out as soon as I can manage.

... perhaps not right now, though, because I have a cold or a throat inflammation or I don't know exactly what at the moment. I'm coughing, and I'm a bit more tired than usual, and I'm not really in the mood to do stuff. A couple of days ago, my throat was really sore, but by now it's less sore and I feel more like I'm having a mild version of a regular cold. I'll see what happens, but hopefully this will pass soon.

Writing: I wrote a couple of new fics lately, and there are a couple more that I haven't finished yet. I also rediscovered a poetry site I had been posting on some time ago, so I suddenly got excited about poetry again. It's nice to have a place to read what others write, and it also makes me want to write more. Hopefully something positive will come out of that.

I'm also still working on making an archive of my fics and writings. I have a nice setup in Scrivener now, but I'm also considering a text file with a list of when I wrote/posted what. Especially with poetry, I tried to keep such a list from the beginning - even back when I wrote my first poems back in 1998... only I don't have the slightest clue where that thing is anymore, so I probably still need to remake the list from scratch. I don't even know if I have all the old poems, but I believe I know where most of them were posted online, so if I were smart back then, I might also have all the needed info on those posts.

Cross-country skiing: Actually, this would deserve its own post, because it's so amazing... but because I didn't post about it immediately after it happened, I'm just saying it here. JOHANNES WON THE OVERALL WORLD CUP!!! At 21, he's the youngest male overall winner ever, and also the first to win the cup without having competed at the Tour de Ski. Have a nice photo of him with the trophy:



I'm just enormously happy for him for this! It's so very deserved, too, considering the season he's had. 11 world cup victories in the same season is a new record, I think. Plus, he also won two mini-tours before Christmas - one of them in absolutely crazy style, when he caught up with Sundby just before the finish line in Lillehammer. Yes, this might be my favourite memory of him from the world cup this season. (Before you ask, the Olympics are obviously also one long "favourite memory", but these races don't count towards the world cup). Even though the final mini-tour turned out to be tough for him, he got enough points to secure the trophy, and that was what mattered. (Let's not forget that he also won two "smaller" trophies - the ones for the sprint cup and the U23 cup.... and this year he remembered to take them home as well!)

He's amazing, okay? He's just giving me endless reasons to be happy, both with his results on the track and his behaviour outside of it. The only sad thing is the fact that the world cup season is over now. There will still be races for some time, but not much that will be shown on TV. Honestly, though? I usually die a little inside every time the winter sports* season ends, but right now I feel a bit relieved at it, too - almost like I need a break from constantly feeling so much. Maybe that sounds wrong, but it's true to at least some extent.

I will miss seeing him compete, though... and next season feels unbelievably far away when this one has just ended.

*not everything is over yet, though. Biathlon still has one competition weekend left, for example.

Oh, and I almost forgot, but I need to point out this quote, from a news report in June 2017. Didrik Tønseth said this about Johannes' chances to win the overall world cup in the upcoming season:

"It would be fun if Johannes could have a chance to fight for the yellow bib. At 21 that would be... impressive!"

Fun? Yes, this season has been so much more fun than anyone could have dreamt of. Other than that - spot on, Didrik. Absolutely spot on.

So, I've been watching the world championship in rapid chess on TV for the last three days. Chess? On TV? Yes, that actually works... and it has been quite a popular thing here since the broadcasting began in (I think?) 2013. I'm not good at playing chess at all, but it's still fun to watch. Of course, much of the reason for the popularity of chess as a TV sport/event here can be summed up in one name: Magnus Carlsen. If he had not been a Norwegian, I don't think the idea would ever have come up to show chess on TV here.

Anyway, I won't say I'm a big Magnus fan in the sense that I think of him when there's no major tournaments on, but I try to pay attention to the main news around him, and of course I want him to do well if I'm sitting down to watch a whole tournament like now. He was in the lead for a while in this tournament, but missed the chance for the title after losing to Russian Alexander Grishchuk (whom I also like, btw) in the last match today.

A little bit disappointing, for sure, but I was pretty much okay with it, really.

Because there were three players who had the same number of points (10.5 each) after 15 matches, the title was decided in a playoff match between Viswanathan Anand (from India - Magnus' former opponent for the "regular" chess world title two times, and therefore quite a famous player here) and Vladimir Fedoseev (a young Russian whom I don't know that much, except he impressed quite a lot in this tournament). In the end, Anand got the title after winning both matches in the playoff.

By the way, the playoff consisted of two matches of blitz chess. I must say I find it a little bit questionable that the world title in rapid chess is won by winning in blitz, because to me these are quite different things. But of course, you have to play great at rapid to even end up in this playoff... but this system for deciding the title was still a bit surprising to me.

Also, can I just mention that I'm annoyed at NRK (Norwegian TV) sometimes? They do amazing work with these chess broadcasts, and I'm obviously happy about that. But ahead of this playoff, they clearly took Anand's side and even commented that "a lot of Norwegians will want him to get the title now, due to the amount of time we've spent watching him in past years." Well... I guess it's a valid argument, but I sort of don't like when they just decide where viewers' sympathies should go, as if viewers are one collective group with one collective opinion.

Oh, and just for the record - I kind of took a liking to Fedoseev during these three days, and I was definitely rooting for him more in the playoff. That might be the reason I reacted strongly enough to this to write a whole post about it. I'm not angry about Anand winning, though - I was just rooting more for his opponent in this specific playoff.

Now I'm quite tired of watching chess, because it's been on for hours on end for three days straight... but there are still two days of blitz chess left, so I guess I'll try to follow that as well. I suppose I won't watch that as attentively, though, because it's much harder to follow for me.

Also, I almost haven't touched my computer at all since before Christmas. I miss my net time, and I also have a fic that I want to finish and post soon. Hopefully, there'll be a few hours of online time tomorrow.

I can't focus on anything for more than a few moments at a time today.

For example, I was trying to log in to a site where I have two-factor authentication set up earlier, so I had to type in a code from my phone in addition to the usual username/password combination. That code, though? Expired, because I simply forgot what I was doing. I only managed to log into that site after trying two more times, because I messed up the second try as well - this time by moving away from the login page in my browser.

My scatterbrained-ness knows no limits today, it seems.

At the very least, I managed to fix the point where I was stuck on my current fic. Not that writing is happening any faster, though. I'm still looking at the text more than I'm adding new content, because I can't stay focused on writing either. But fixing the problem point is at least positive, right?

In other news, it's getting warmer and I need to find some more summerly clothes soon. That is also a good excuse to sort through what I currently have in my drawers - pack things I'm not gonna wear for the next half year away, and get rid of things that aren't comfortable/are worn out or otherwise don't look nice anymore... but I don't feel like getting started on that. In my current unfocused state, going to the basement to fetch the box of shorts and singlets and such might be dangerous, too - who knows whether I'll even be able to find the way back upstairs?

I finally bought the jacket I wanted to buy myself for my birthday, though... so now I'm waiting excitedly for the delivery!

That's my fashion-ramble for the day :P.

I don't feel like trying to write a coherent post today, so I'll just mention a couple of things in bullet-point form:

* Ronnie won his match and is in the quarterfinal. Guess whom he will play next? Ding Junhui! That? Is both awesome and painful at the same time, because that means my two favourite players will meet in a Crucible quarterfinal. Not final, but quarterfinal. One piece of my snooker heart will break after that match, regardless of the result. Strange how I spend the whole season hoping for matches between the two of them, because they are both wonderful. Then I get that matchup now - in the one tournament where I don't want to lose any of them too early!

* I saw a super-cute cat on the street today. Apparently it must have had its humans in a nearby house, because it was so friendly and curious and came over to me wanting to get petted. So nice!

* Writing isn't working at the moment. I have a fic to work on, an idea for a short ficlet, and I still want to see if I can complete my poetry challenge. Number of things I thought of writing today: 3. Number of things I actually worked on: 0. That is a problem, obviously.

* Also, related to the above, there is a scene in my mind that I'd say physically hurts to think about. It's so cruel and painful and emotionally hard-hitting, and I don't understand why I'm even thinking of it. But at the same time, I can't stop thinking of it and wanting to write it. My mind is a weird place.

I'm tired, but I don't feel like sleeping. That makes no sense, though, as my eyes will probably shut on their own very soon.

Also, I need to make myself write. I have some fantastic scenes in my mind, but I keep putting off writing them. Poke me with a pointed stick (or a ski pole?) if I don't have at least the beginning of a new fic written at this time tomorrow.

Okay? Agreed? Then I'm going to sleep. Good night.

EDIT: Fic started. I have about 300 words now. And plans for the next scene. I hope that getting started was the hardest part, so that I can have some fun with this over the next few days/weeks. If I can do what I hope to do with this fic, it's going to be so much fun to write. And so painful as well, but hopefully just in the right way. Oh, and catness and gobtastic - you already know which fic this is, because I gave an excerpt of it in other comments. Yes, it's THAT fic. I hope I can do it justice, because the idea is just all sorts of amazing.

My birthday is in two weeks, and it seems I need to think of a couple of wishes. I got asked about that today, and I have no idea what to answer. I obviously cannot ask for fangirl things like fics or graphics from my family, so I need to think up something more acceptable ;).

I'm also planning to get one or two gifts for myself. I feel like I need a new jacket, and there is a nice one I've seen from an online store. Then, there is also a Zelda strategy guide coming out soon... probably not until after my birthday, though, so putting it on the wish list makes no sense.

But, enough birthday talk, as long as the day is still some time away.

At least it's April already, and I see some people are doing Camp NaNoWriMo this month. The idea is sort of tempting, because you can pick your own writing goal... but it's also scary to participate officially, as long as I'm not really a NaNoWriMo'er normally either. I haven't set an unofficial goal for myself either, but one idea I had was to try to write at least 10 poems during the month + actively work on fics and try to get at least a couple of my current ideas written. Seriously, I have so many fic bunnies right now that I just need to make some time to feed them properly.