Christmas is almost here

[zimena]

Christmas Eve is tomorrow.

I honestly don't know how I feel about that. I'm going to be with my cousin and his wife in Vennesla (about 20km outside of my town) over the holidays, so I think it's going to be nice.

Still... it's been strange, going into my first Christmas without my mom near me anymore. We used to always prepare a lot of stuff for the holidays - baking, special foods, decorations, traditions etc. Even though we did it less after I got older, Christmas and pre-Christmas time was always a very atmospheric time for me.

This year... I've done a lot less of this stuff. Yes, I put up some decorations, but only the ones I love most. And I didn't do anything special with baking or food, apart from buying a few Christmas type foods from the store. It's not like I miss these preparations, but it just feels... strange, going into the holiday season this year.

I've been trying to tell myself that I wouldn't feel the emptiness that much, as I'm going to be around people I care about, and it's going to be a good Christmas even though it will be different from what I'm used to. Yet... now that the holiday season is almost here, I feel almost detached from everything.

Empty. Different. Sad.

I'm about to pack a small bag because I'm going to be away for a couple of days, but I felt like writing this post first. Or maybe I just don't feel like packing? Either way, I don't want to get lost in all of these feelings, so I'm going to get the packing done... and then probably try to do nice things for the rest of the day.

❤️🎄 If I won't be here to post tomorrow, I also want to wish all of you a happy holiday season, or a Merry Christmas - whatever feels more right to you. Enjoy this special time of the year, and may it good, peaceful and full of warmth and joy and everything you wish for. 🎄❤️

Comments

[jenni_blog]

My mother passed away on December 21st, 2009. I remember that it spoiled Christmas that year, and each year after everything about Christmas seemed different. I just didn't feel the same about it anymore.

I guess it's because my mother was the key ingredient in Christmas for me. Since I (and my siblings) were children my parents always made sure we had the best Christmases one could hope for. It was my mother who instilled in us the whole spectrum - not just presents, toys and food - but the history of Christmas around the world (she'd read stories to us about Christmases in other countries and showed us illustrations of how people elsewhere celebrated). We used to attend church and Sunday school and our church held a Christmas pageant every year. They'd invite the kids who attended Sunday School to take part in the pageant. They had elaborate costumes that we'd be excited to wear and most of us played the parts of the three wise men or the shepherds. Only the prettiest girl got to be Mary and the handsomest boy Joseph.

The best part for me was that we'd get to sing Christmas carols as our procession entered the church: Angels We Have Heard on High was the one I liked to sing the most, and I practised it every day and night for weeks before the pageant.

At home we'd have lots of visitors, which always excited me. At first it was many, many relatives, but as these began to thin out when we got older and my siblings and I had close friends (even boyfriends), we'd go to a film after Christmas dinner. We'd either do that or play board games at the table once everything was cleared away and washed up.

But it hasn't been the same for the past 13 years. Sure, we always tried to give our kids the best Christmases we could, and we had fun but it wasn't the same and now the magic is gone.

I'm glad you're going somewhere else to spend Christmas because I think it will help you enjoy it a bit more. It still is a special time despite our losses and all the changes in our lives.

I wish you the best as well, full of warmth as you said, and peaceful too.

Merry Christmas.

[yuuago]

<3 I hope you'll have as good an xmas as possible.