Mom's birthday
Tuesday, May 1st, 2018 20:53![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
zimenaToday is my mom's 70th birthday. We originally meant to spend the day in Denmark, but that idea got discarded due to the ferry having a staying-at-shore Monday yesterday + because of not-so-pleasant weather forecasts for today. So, we ended up staying at home instead.
We bought a chocolate cake and some donuts, though, just to have something special for the day. Oh, and I got her a card and a big bottle of her favourite perfume.
The biggest surprise happened partly yesterday and partly today, though.
Yesterday evening, a big bouquet of flowers was delivered to mom on the door. It was from her sister, and the sister's three kids/my cousins. This was a big surprise, because this sister has had rather limited contact with the rest of the family for much of my life - and I know mom is sad about this, because this is her "closest" sister since childhood. I know her, but not nearly as much as I know some of my other aunts and uncles. As for the cousins, they used to be very important in my life, too, and one of them even used to live here for a few years (partly due to difficulties at home/problems because mom's sister found a new live-in boyfriend after the kids' father died). One other cousin, the youngest of the trio, used to be extra close to me, and he also stayed here almost more than he stayed at his own home when we were both kids, so in a way you could say these cousins are the closest thing I have to having siblings -at least we grew up as that, even if we're not that biologically.
Well, the problem is that the cousins are a bit like their mom, and there's very limited contact with two of them now. I've written quite a bit about the youngest cousin of this trio in my journal before, though, because as I said we have always been close, and he stayed in contact with us much more than his sisters did. We lost contact with him once before, when he moved away to go to school around Oslo, and after that he was serving time in the army (in northern Norway, very far away from here), too. During that time, we didn't see him at all, but other than that, he's always been around.
Then, some years ago he got obsessed with some online game, and started losing contact with reality because of that. Around the same time, he also had some mess with an online girlfriend, and in the middle of all of that he started coming here less and less. I've always wondered if we did something to push him away in this situation, if I should have texted him more than I did, if I said something wrong etc, etc, etc... but whenever he replied to my texts, he always said that there was nothing wrong, that he was fine, that he would come by soon and so on... but the truth is that I haven't seen him for years. I checked back in my journal here, and the last time I found a post about him was from Christmas 2009. Of course I might not have posted about every time he was here, but at least it gives some perspective - and I mentioned in that post how I was scared of losing him, too.
Well, today he called to say happy birthday to mom, and he kind of invited himself over with his wife. I knew via other family members that he had married some years ago, but I had not met the wife before. It was kind of strange to see him again after such a long time, but it also felt kind of the same as it always did with him. They were here for some 3 hours or so, and talking was easy and natural for most of that time. He also said that it was hard for him to go back here when so much time passed since his last visit, and then he got embarrassed and that's why he stayed away for so long, even when we tried to contact him sometimes.
I don't even know how I feel about all of this. I'm mostly very happy, because I've missed him, and I saw today that he is still the same guy he always was. So, I hope this will be more than just a one-time visit. But also, it feels so strange to see someone again after such a long time, and I still have more questions than answers. I am, however, happy that mom got these flowers, and that there is a possibility for more contact with this part of the family, maybe.
Let's see what happens from here. And at least mom got a memorable birthday.
We bought a chocolate cake and some donuts, though, just to have something special for the day. Oh, and I got her a card and a big bottle of her favourite perfume.
The biggest surprise happened partly yesterday and partly today, though.
Yesterday evening, a big bouquet of flowers was delivered to mom on the door. It was from her sister, and the sister's three kids/my cousins. This was a big surprise, because this sister has had rather limited contact with the rest of the family for much of my life - and I know mom is sad about this, because this is her "closest" sister since childhood. I know her, but not nearly as much as I know some of my other aunts and uncles. As for the cousins, they used to be very important in my life, too, and one of them even used to live here for a few years (partly due to difficulties at home/problems because mom's sister found a new live-in boyfriend after the kids' father died). One other cousin, the youngest of the trio, used to be extra close to me, and he also stayed here almost more than he stayed at his own home when we were both kids, so in a way you could say these cousins are the closest thing I have to having siblings -at least we grew up as that, even if we're not that biologically.
Well, the problem is that the cousins are a bit like their mom, and there's very limited contact with two of them now. I've written quite a bit about the youngest cousin of this trio in my journal before, though, because as I said we have always been close, and he stayed in contact with us much more than his sisters did. We lost contact with him once before, when he moved away to go to school around Oslo, and after that he was serving time in the army (in northern Norway, very far away from here), too. During that time, we didn't see him at all, but other than that, he's always been around.
Then, some years ago he got obsessed with some online game, and started losing contact with reality because of that. Around the same time, he also had some mess with an online girlfriend, and in the middle of all of that he started coming here less and less. I've always wondered if we did something to push him away in this situation, if I should have texted him more than I did, if I said something wrong etc, etc, etc... but whenever he replied to my texts, he always said that there was nothing wrong, that he was fine, that he would come by soon and so on... but the truth is that I haven't seen him for years. I checked back in my journal here, and the last time I found a post about him was from Christmas 2009. Of course I might not have posted about every time he was here, but at least it gives some perspective - and I mentioned in that post how I was scared of losing him, too.
Well, today he called to say happy birthday to mom, and he kind of invited himself over with his wife. I knew via other family members that he had married some years ago, but I had not met the wife before. It was kind of strange to see him again after such a long time, but it also felt kind of the same as it always did with him. They were here for some 3 hours or so, and talking was easy and natural for most of that time. He also said that it was hard for him to go back here when so much time passed since his last visit, and then he got embarrassed and that's why he stayed away for so long, even when we tried to contact him sometimes.
I don't even know how I feel about all of this. I'm mostly very happy, because I've missed him, and I saw today that he is still the same guy he always was. So, I hope this will be more than just a one-time visit. But also, it feels so strange to see someone again after such a long time, and I still have more questions than answers. I am, however, happy that mom got these flowers, and that there is a possibility for more contact with this part of the family, maybe.
Let's see what happens from here. And at least mom got a memorable birthday.
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Date: Thu, May. 3rd, 2018 13:00 (UTC)When I was growing up I had a best friend since we both were seven years old. We went through school together and through all the trials and tribulations of our teenage years. We lost touch briefly after we both started working, but reconnected and used to go to films and dinner together while we were both single. Then I met and married my husband but my friend and I would still get together once in awhile. And she got a job in the same place I was working so it was great for a few years seeing her every day!
Then I had a couple of kids and during their early years I was too busy with raising them and working at the same time, so we lost touch again for a few years.
But she moved to my area and rented a flat nearby so when my kids were 9 and 6 years old we reconnected and used to do a lot of stuff together again. We both became interested in gardening and used to drive all over to attend different flower shows and go to plant sales, etc.
But then something happened to her. She wouldn't tell me or our other friends what was wrong, but eventually I found out that she had developed some health problems and didn't want to burden anyone with them, so she moved away and we lost touch for years.
She resurfaced at a mutual friend's funeral more than ten years ago, but disappeared again and I haven't seen her since.
I've tried to find her online but she isn't on the internet at all. However, I did locate her brother, who lives across the country with his family. I've been debating whether or not to contact him and ask about my old friend. My husband said, "Do it!" and I know I should, but something is holding me back. Is it dread of finding out she's deceased? I don't know.
Sorry for such a long story, but your post made me think of this dilemma I've had for awhile.