Such a weird week

It's been four days since mom's funeral.

Other things are dying as well, such as the flowers I got from aunt and cousins when they got the news that she passed.

I can't really say how I feel in the middle of everything. There's always sudden memories, thoughts, something someone says... and that just seems to trigger the sadness anew.

Sometimes I'm able to focus on other things and be happy for a while, and then I suddenly worry that I'm not hurting and grieving in the right way. Eh.

So many weird thoughts right now.

But also, I have to admit that some things were also beautiful during these days. The funeral itself was a beautiful ceremony, but of course it's also the most painful thing to go through at this time.

Then, after it, I went with three of my cousins to have a meal in a restaurant (I didn't want to do a bigger family gathering, as that just feels more painful). Being with only those people - these cousins were the ones who were always closest to me (one of them especially, but the others as well) - felt much better to me.

I also stayed that night at one of those cousins' place, and that was also a good thing, I think.

***

I've been home for a few days, though - trying to do normal things, or escaping said "normal things" and less pleasant moods by going for walks around the area where I live. I live only a few streets from the seaside, so yesterday I went to sit at the beach for a while. A little away from the sandy area where people are sunbathing, true, but still.... close enough to see both that and the beach/sea quite close by.

Today it has been raining heavily, though, so I stayed indoors. Got some housework done, mended a pair of trousers that I've been meaning to mend since forever... and also played for a while on the Nintendo Switch. I only stopped that because an error occurred that kicked me out of my Fall Guys game even though I had already qualified for the next round. That annoyed me, so I'm leaving the gaming until tomorrow, now.

Also, in other news... I have an Amazon Prime account now. I had been meaning to get a service like that, but I kept wondering if it's worth it for someone like me - someone who doesn't get into series or movies easily, though I can still enjoy some of them if I'm in the right mood. Getting Prime before the price increase seemed like a good idea, so here I am.

The first thing I started watching on there is Paper Girls... and I'm kind of hooked right now. I've seen four episodes so far, and I'm looking forward to the next one/next ones already.