Saturday, June 17th, 2017

zimena: Beautiful, somewhat scary woman. (Misc - Mystery Ana)
I had The Big Cleaning And Tidying Day today. My bedroom has been in need of cleaning and tidying for some time now, but somehow I kept postponing it. Today I not only cleaned everything, but I also cleared my desk and some other random stuff that has been lying around since forever.

...of course you might argue that I only cleared the desk because I need space to properly see what I'm gonna pack for the Portugal trip when the time comes, but let's not talk about that. Instead, let me enjoy the feeling of accomplishment after getting this done after postponing it a number of times before.

On a different note, I got a new haircut the other day. It looked okay when I was at the hairdresser's, and it still feels good to have short hair again (as opposed to the unruly mess I had before the haircut. Even my hairbrush wouldn't comb through it, and I had to comb it in two layers, kinda). There is, however, one comment from the hairdresser that is starting to bother me now - even though I didn't react to it that much when I was actually there.

Let's just say I've had the same general short hairstyle for years. I usually just comb all my hair backwards, and when it's newly cut, it should be short enough to stand upwards a little bit - but there should still be enough hair left that it can fall generally in a backwards direction. So, not so short that there are just a few centimetres of hair left, but also not so long that it falls out of shape - it'll do that after a couple of weeks, though.

Usually this explanation gets me what I want, even though I hate explaining which haircut I want. I'm always afraid that I'll get something totally different... and this time that was exactly what happened. When the hairdresser was done, my hair was kind of generally in a "round" shape. I pointed out the problem of that to her, and she kinda fixed it a little bit, but even now you can still see that basic shape. When I tried to point out this to her, she said this: "I can't really cut more than I did now. And I tried to make a nice and feminine-looking shape."

You know what? FUCK YOU AND YOUR ATTEMPTS AT TRYING TO MAKE ME FIT YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF FEMININITY! FUCK IT, SERIOUSLY!

Okay, angry outburst aside, this makes me more furious the more I think of it. While it is true that she couldn't really cut much more hair, she could have simply asked if she had any doubts about what I said. I have no desire to do things that would make me fit some random person's standard of femininity. In fact, I have no desire to look feminine at all - and if I do it's either by coincidence or by annoying facts of life.

I mean, I tried to show her what I usually do to my hair, so I don't understand why she couldn't just do what I asked. It's not like I could have stopped her earlier either, because when you're sitting there getting your hair cut, the hairdresser puts all sorts of pins and things in it, and you can't really tell what she's doing until it's done. Even then, I need to touch it and wash it myself before I'm completely sure what the new cut is like.

Somehow, her comment about femininity bothers me more and more. When she said it, I just wanted to get out of there and be done with the whole thing, so I tried to not take it to heart too much. Now that I've had time to think of it, I can't stop thinking of how rude and hurtful and infuriating it was.

I kind of want my hair to grow out again as soon as possible, so that I can go and get my usual cut again soon. Perhaps the current cut isn't "ugly" either, but it's not me and not what I asked for and the shape just bothers me a lot because of everything I said above.
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